Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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