College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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