You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
