I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
