Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
