Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
