She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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