Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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