im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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