I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
