tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
