"it" just moved
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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