we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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