Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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