And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
