Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
