gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
