I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
