True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
