Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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