happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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