oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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