Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
