Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
handjob tips. give me some.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
she peed on how many people?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
