I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
