Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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