me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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