You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
