dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
