Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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