May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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