Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
