What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
