Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
