the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Drunk walkin through police station. America
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
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