Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
