don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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