I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
