just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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