Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
you never un-have a 4some
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
