there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
