I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
