I am puke
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
