I just pynch a tree in the face
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
