Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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