i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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