its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
