im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
