I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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