Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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