did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
