if i can run in heels then i can drive
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Farmville is her only friend.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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