Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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