Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
