Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
