My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
