UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
