Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
